How much Drama is in Your life?
Are you the 1 in 3 people that lives in a state of perpetual drama? Find out if you fall under the category of Rescuer, Persecutor, or Victim. There is a feeling that if something dramatic is not happening in their life, then they are not living, they feel dull, bored, and looking for something to happen so they feel alive. With so many people living this way it seems "normal" but it's not.
If a person is performing as a Rescuer they are trying to help you (but in reality they are trying to help themselves). They want to help you whether you want to be helped or not. What does this sound like? Listen to the voice of the Rescuer:
"I’ll take care of you. I’ll make things right for you. I have the answers. I can fix things. I do for you what you could do for yourself. I always care for others. I only wish someone would care for me. I act as though I have no needs of my own. Maybe if I help you, I’ll feel worthwhile myself and feel like I have some power. I often think I'm not enough as I am. I’m a good person. I’m not mean … but I often complain, act like a martyr, vent, and talk behind your back. I can’t afford to be afraid … so I can’t see how fearful and defensive I am. I won’t take responsibility for the way I think, feel, and act. When the chips are down, I may try to control and manipulate … but I’m there for you." Sound familiar?
Next we'll look at the Persecutor. With the Persecutor everyone else is wrong, they are right. They blame others for anything not going their way, and think only they know what's best. What does the voice of the Persecutor sound like?
"I’m right. You’re wrong. I have the right to judge, dismiss, and punish. I insist (I know) that my way of seeing things is right. You should change. You should do it my way. I don’t have to change. I’m bigger (smarter) than you. I know what’s best. I set the standards and the rules. If I scare you, tough. It’s your problem. I take charge. I’m in control. Results and bottom line (mine) are what count. I hide my fear by being a bully. I’m a coward. I often hurt people without knowing it. I can appear to be cruel. I count on you to not stand up to me. If you do, I’ll attack, blame, deny, and justify that I’m right." Know anyone like this?
And then there is the Victim. For the Victim, nothing is ever going to work for them, so don't even try. This is the voice of the Victim:
"You run the show. I have little if any choice. I know you’ll attack me, put me down, and deprive me of what I need or want if I speak up. I comply out of fear for our relationship, my job, my support. My future is in your hands. You won’t listen anyway. I make excuses for the way you treat me. This isn’t fair. It shouldn’t be this way. I can’t have what I want, so why ask? I can’t think of how to say what I want to say. I’m trapped. I can’t stand up for myself. I don’t trust you. You’ll make me out to be a fool. My thoughts and feelings circle around fear, pain, frustration, anger (mixed with guilt and shame). I often feel hopeless and helpless. I blame you (everyone) when things don’t go my way. I keep hoping someone will save me. I deny and try to hide all of this from myself and from you … while I put up a good front."
Could you identify people you know in any of these scenarios? Can you identify yourself? Which one seemed most like you? The good news is that you don't have to live like this. There are ways to get off the drama triangle by learning some lifehacks that will allow you, with practice, to catch yourself before you jump on it.
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