HAVE YOU EVER FELT LIKE: “What are we doing? I need to know. I have to plan!” Have you ever wondered it it’s really that important to plan everything, or is there something else going on?
Awhile back I met my now-partner Frank. To me he’s dreamy. Something about him just lights up my heart. As we dated, we got closer and closer. Knowing I’d be with him put butterflies in my stomach. I was smiling a lot.
Soon we were in a committed relationship and I couldn’t be happier. Life was good.
But then, something started to shift. Frank seemed to be pulling back from the relationship. Where he went from texting during the day, it went to just a “hello” in the morning. Where we were talking on the phone to say good night, he wasn’t calling anymore. Where we would get together a few times a week and on the weekends, it all of a sudden became just the weekends.
My heart was heavy. My mind reeled. What was going on? Why was he acting like this? Did he want to break up? Why were things so different? I felt afraid.
This one particular weekend, I spent the night at his house. When I woke up Saturday morning, I was feeling a little uncertain. Did he still care for me? He seemed to be distant, distracted. I asked him if everything was ok. He said yes, but then went back to looking at his phone.
This made me uncomfortable. I was wondering if I should go. I asked him what he wanted to do that day. He sort of shrugged and said it didn’t matter. Again, he went back to his phone. Was this his way of wanting me to leave?
I pushed a little saying that I would feel better if I knew what was happening. I don’t like for time to just pass me by. I want to plan my day, figure out what’s happening. When I know what’s happening it’s easier for me to settle down. I felt out of sorts – uncomfortable on the inside.
What was going on? I did not like the way I felt.
After a bit more pushing Frank and I finally figured out what we would be doing and I settled down.
Things were great that day and there was no real reason for me to have all of that anxiousness and upset inside of me. I wondered what that was about and really started to think about it.
I realized that when I’m feeling uncertain about our relationship, I’m looking for reassurance. When I push to know what’s happening, I can see that it is really my way of trying to determine if he wants me to spend time with him, or if he says or suggests that he needs to work, or take care of other things, that means he doesn’t want me around.
I didn’t realize it was my way of trying to figure out if he still cared. When he said we could go get breakfast and then go for a long walk along the water’s edge, I felt a lot better because those things included me. He wanted me near him. That made me feel better. That allowed me to relax.
What happened next was a turning point in our relationship. I decided to share something with him. It wasn’t easy because I felt like I was exposing part of myself. I told him that even though it wasn’t his responsibility to make me happy, when I did know he wanted me around, that helped me feel better and help me feel more calm.
I gave him a couple of things he could say that might help like, “I don’t know what we’re going to do but as long as we’re together ….” Or “Would you like a hug?”
This little bit of communication – aka conscious connecting – was all that was needed. I was able to explain that when he spends too much time on the phone I feel neglected and would rather go home, yet what I really was looking for is the feeling that my partner do something to show me he cared.
What if you learned some ways to help you be able to better communicate with people in your life that matter? Instead of beating around the bush, creating conscious connection allows you to speak in a way that is direct and authentic, promoting the possibility of you getting what you really want.
If you’d like to learn some fun ways to do this, join us at a free event called “Ready, Set, Get Happier”. We start on Monday 10 Aug and will meet for the next 3 Mondays. In each of our 90 or so minutes together we’ll learn some surprising things about ourselves, we’ll do some interesting activities, watch some 2-3 minute eye opening videos, and share some stories about our lives. And, for anyone interested, we’ll discuss your story, picking it apart so you can see what’s really going on.
Are you in?
Here’s the link to Register for free: https://www.facebook.com/events/1557851371090276/
We’re nearly half full already, so don’t wait, register today and reserve your seat.
Remember it’s fine to invite your friends. It’s always more fun when we know some of the participants!
I’m Debbie Pearson helping you become more #AwesomeOnTheInside!